Saturday, October 6, 2007
Only in America
Only in America... Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.
Only in America... do people order cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.
Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put useless junk in the garage.
Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.
Only in America... do people order cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.
Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put useless junk in the garage.
Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
He said...She said
He: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She: You wear briefs, don't you?
He: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
He: "This coffee isn't good for a dog!"
She: "No problem, I'll get you some that is."
She: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He: It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She: Well, you succeeded.
He: You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She: No, have you?
He: Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
She: Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.
She: You wear briefs, don't you?
He: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
He: "This coffee isn't good for a dog!"
She: "No problem, I'll get you some that is."
She: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He: It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She: Well, you succeeded.
He: You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She: No, have you?
He: Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
She: Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.
Ya...Ya...Ya...
- A man who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.
- There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
- Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
- Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
- Any argument between a man and a woman results in one thing. Either she wins or he loses
- I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your tender upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
- A man asked his wife, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ” The wife responded, “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!!
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it
- Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
- Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
- Any argument between a man and a woman results in one thing. Either she wins or he loses
- I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your tender upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
- A man asked his wife, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ” The wife responded, “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!!
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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